toledano/family/20″/mike1st/mark2nd

By JESSICA TOLEDANO

Staff Reporter

It’s an all too familiar story. Hard-charging career types who short-change home and family to get ahead, only to wake up one morning with their personal life in shambles.

One high-profile example is billionaire Rupert Murdoch, whose wife, Anna, has filed for divorce after 31 years of marriage reportedly stemming from Murdoch’s notorious work habits that had him on the road far more often than he was at home. He even arranged to have his honeymoon in New York so he could attend to business.

“Pop had precious little time to spend with us, so the breakfasts were crucial,” said Murdoch’s son, James, in a July 19 article in The New York Times Magazine. “Of course, when we’d get to breakfast, everybody would read the papers.”

Gloria Allred, a Los Angeles family attorney who has handled a number of high-profile divorces, says balancing a demanding career with a family is a difficult challenge.

“A major reason is that they have dedicated themselves with a passion to building their career and have not made the same investment in their marriage,” said Allred. “They assumed the partner would be understanding, even though they kept putting off vacations and quality time with their spouse.”

Extramarital affairs are a frequent factor in hard-driving executives’ marriages falling apart. “Sometimes people end up having affairs with people who are conveniently there (at work),” said Allred. “Often there ends up being someone else, that can happen quite often.”

Karol Bailey, a marriage and family counselor, said she counsels top-level executives who struggle to balance their work and personal lives. Being out of town, commuting, working long hours under tremendous stress all this can be a huge burden on one’s family.

“If you can never get to Suzie or Johnny’s soccer game, those are moments you can never replay,” said Bailey. “(Successful executives) often feel like they have failed the family. There is also a lot of guilt in both men and women, but it is expressed more in women.”

Some executives say they consciously choose to bypass having children to maintain their workaholic lifestyle.

Take Christine Larson, senior vice president of retail product management and marketing for Sanwa Bank California in Los Angeles, who only leaves her 70-hour weekly work schedule (not counting weekends) to take brief walks outside the office to “get a break” for a couple minutes.

Larson and her husband made a conscious decision not to have children, because they knew they wanted to devote their lives to their careers.

“I wouldn’t do it differently,” she said. “I made some sacrifices, like the decision to pursue a career and not a family, but I am very satisfied. It seems to me over the years that it is isn’t so abnormal.”

Davis Dennis, managing director of investment banking and co-head of the Los Angeles office for Donaldson, Lufkin & Jenrette Securities Corp., did not forego having a family.

“It requires a lot more planning, certainly,” said Dennis, who travels an average of one week every month and spends a minimum of 70 hours a week at the office. “Are there still missed dinners? Certainly. Are there vacations that get delayed? Yes. Do you give things up? Absolutely. I would have liked to have been a coach for my kid’s soccer games, but I just didn’t have time to take on that kind of responsibility. It takes some getting used to for the family. It takes a spouse who is very understanding.”

Some of Dennis’ planning includes penciling into his schedule his son’s baseball game and parents’ night at school. He pre-plans a lot of family events to make sure they are not neglected. It helps to work for a company that allows spouses to occasionally accompany executives on extended business trips.

So does time management. Karey Burke, senior vice president for primetime series at NBC Entertainment, just had her second child and works an average of 80 hours a week, not including weekends. She arrives at the office around 9:00 a.m. and often doesn’t leave until 11:30 p.m.

“It takes a toll and the time that we spend together has to be quality time,” said Burke. “There is not wasted time and there is really no time for anything else. You do your shopping though catalogs and only get to cut your hair every six months.”

Burke added that NBC gives her some flexibility during the day to take an hour or so to have lunch with her daughter or take her to ballet lessons. But she stays available on cell phone during even those excursions. The hardest part for Burke is coming home after her daughter is in bed.

How does she manage? “I have a very supportive husband with a very good sense of humor,” Burke said.