“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, I’m donating my body to Tupperware.”

– Joan Rivers

In my Hollywood, I’m constantly asked by already attractive women if they should get cosmetic surgery. Perhaps it’s because after a week in Los Angeles, they come to realize they’re not the prettiest girl ... they’re just the prettiest girl in their hometown. Taking it one step further, Hollywood image-makers have total control over what’s considered beautiful and often change the game to keep everyone on their toes. At least until limb-lengthening surgery becomes more affordable.

Simply put, the days of growing old gracefully seem to be the real talent. According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, over 10 million cosmetic procedures were performed in 2012. I’m guessing most of them were to undo the shoddy work on Lara Flynn Boyle.

According to Dr. Alan Engler, “Regardless of its origins, plastic surgery is now firmly entrenched in our collective psyche. This is evidenced by a short trip to a newsstand or bookstore, or by ‘surfing’ through television or radio stations.” Yes, you read that right, even radio stations. Short of their therapists, I’m one of the only people in Hollywood that’s privy to the fear in a celebrity’s voice, since they hire someone like me to push back their “sell-by date.”

Fact: We all grow old. So how then have Julie Andrews, Judi Dench and “Harry Potter’s” Maggie Smith managed to stamp out a career while in their 70s? They’re all holding out for a remake of “Cocoon.” No, well, actually yes. It’s that they bring talent, or as actress-turned-talkshow host Bonnie Hunt said, “Just ’cause there’s snow on the roof, doesn’t mean there’s not a fire inside.” Sure, maybe they’ve all had a nip or tuck here or there, but when time beats you with the ugly cane, the blue hairs of the silver screen maintain their star power. They rise above it with the expertise of their craft, rather than clinging to an aesthetic everyone else knows they’ve lost. I admit, there’s a certain wisdom that comes with age.

Jamie Lee Curtis admitted in an interview with More Magazine, “I’ve had a little plastic surgery. I’ve had a little lipo. I’ve had a little Botox. And you know what? None of it works. None of it.”

Considered one of the most beautiful actresses of her time, and after getting over the devastation from receiving AARP membership offers, Curtis is the spokeswoman for a yogurt that uses a balance of probiotics to improve digestive health. In others words, Curtis makes a boatload of money admitting she has problems pooping. ... Hey, it happens.


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