"Good morning, students. Welcome back to school. How did you spend your summer vacation?"

"It was great! I went to camp for eight weeks!"

"It was great! I watched a TV show, 'Survivor,' for 13 weeks!"

"My mom and dad dropped me off at camp and wrote me lots of letters."

"My mom and dad turned on the TV set and let me sit on the couch and eat Cheez Doodles."

"I spent the whole summer in the outdoors, making friends and having fun."

"I spent the whole summer indoors, watching grown-ups try to scam a million bucks."

"My camp was beautiful. It had hills and lakes and woods."

"My TV show was on an island. It had mosquitoes and snakes."

"I went swimming every day and learned to do the breaststroke."

"I watched people carry mud."

"I made a house out of Popsicle sticks."

"I watched people hold a pole."

"I played softball and volleyball."

"I watched people swallow bugs."

"I learned teamwork and how to get along with fellow campers."

"I learned the more people you screw in life, the further you'll get."

"I made some really cool friends like Billy, the redheaded kid, and Jimmy, the blond kid, and Susie, whose mommy owns a cookie shop."

"I got to know Richard, a nasty corporate trainer, and Sue, a nasty truck driver, and Rudy, a former Navy SEAL who said his wife does 'whatever I tell her to do.'"

"We would play these cool games like Capture the Flag or Bombardment. And every night, when the games were over, we all got really cool desserts like Popsicles."

"My TV show would play games, too, like seeing who could sneak around behind someone's back and make a pact. And each week, when the game was over, someone got booted off and mumbled some really cool curse words."

"At night, we would make a campfire and roast marshmallows and sing songs."

"At night, my contestants made a campfire and plotted whom they could get rid of next."

"Sometimes, when everyone was asleep, I would share secrets with my best friend."

"Sometimes, when everyone was asleep, Kelly would share secrets with the camera."

"One of my bunk mates has a girlfriend."

"Two of my contestants had sex."

"I saw Darryl, a tall guy, dunk a basketball."

"I saw Richard, a gay guy, walk around naked."

"I helped my counselors clean up the bunk."


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