Two Thumbs Way Down

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When I scanned the list of Academy Award nominees last week, I had the sensation I was reading the Poughkeepsie telephone book.


I didn’t recognize a name.


That didn’t surprise me. Over the years, as the movie-watching experience became less fun and more of a slayer of a perfectly good evening, I watched fewer movies. Finally, and I’m not sure exactly when, I stopped keeping up with movie releases entirely. I clicked them off. Ask me to name one current movie, and I’ll look as blank as if you’d asked me to name one current policy initiative of the Undersecretary of the U.S. Treasury.


OK, so maybe I’m on the extreme end, but I’m certain that I’m not the only one who’s given up on Hollywood productions.


I admit this is purely anecdotal, but it seems to me that movies are no longer the hot topic of Monday morning conversation like they used to be. And I’ve noticed, at a party or gathering, when someone asks if everyone’s seen such and such a movie, most people say no.


I know a lot of people in town fret about the entertainment industry’s business model, what with downloading and all. And some fret about the downturn in patronage at movie theaters. (The 8.7 percent drop in movie attendance in 2005 is worse than the sales drop at the Gap Inc. for which the chief executive lost his job last week.)


I’d be more worried about something more basic: What are the prospects of an industry that’s cranking out stuff that a fair number of people simply don’t want to see?


I can’t speak for others; I can only say why I rarely watch movies. One big reason, at least to me, is the predictable formula that most movies follow.


All the story lines are tied up neatly at the end. The good guys overcome impossible odds with a remarkable flourish to exact their revenge and triumph. The heart of the conflicted girl is won and yada yada. I haven’t been too surprised by any movie ending since the dog died in “Turner and Hooch.”


Now I’ll admit there probably are some real cinematic gems being produced. The problem is, a lot of supposedly good movies aren’t, and I don’t want to sit through four or five overbilled turkeys to get to one good movie.


For example, one of those “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies was on television a few weeks back, so I thought I’d check it out, since people have raved about it for years. When the movie started out, it was unbelievable and stupid. I stuck with it.


But about the time it was revealed that the pirates on the enemy ship were really undead and turned into skeletons in the moonlight, I picked up a magazine on the coffee table and started reading. The premise of one article was that ethanol production is futile, which was actually kind of an interesting argument. Anyway, I have no idea how that movie ended.


On second thought, I bet I know how that movie ended. In a remarkable flourish, the protagonist overcame impossible odds to exact his revenge and triumph. The heart of the conflicted girl was won, and all the story lines were tied up neatly. Except for the one that led to the sequel.



Charles Crumpley is editor of the Business Journal. He can be reached at

[email protected]

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